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The Uncanny X-Men

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ToddHoward2010sm (cropped).jpg All of this just works.
― Todd Howard
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The Uncanny X-Men
199280-the-uncanny-x-men-nes-front-cover.jpg
This game IS UNCANNY!
Genre(s): Action
Platforming
Platform(s): Nintendo Entertainment System
Release: December 1989
Developer(s): Pixel
Publisher(s): LJN


"They suck. They suck balls. This one [Wolverine] sucks my left ball, this one [The Uncanny X-Men] sucks my right ball! WELCOME TO DIE!"
The Angry Video Game Nerd

The Uncanny X-Men is a game published by LJN and developed by Pixel for the NES.

Plot

The X-Men must defeat Magneto and his Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.

Gameplay

A player must select one of six playable characters: Wolverine, Cyclops, Storm, Colossus, Nightcrawler or Iceman. There are two types of fighters, melee and ranged types. Melee characters like Wolverine fight at close range, while ranged characters like Cyclops fight at a distance. After selecting a character, players need to select a second X-Man for the AI to control (unless a second player joins).

Why It's Welcome to Die

  1. Poor graphics and bare-bones presentation.
  2. The characters' sprites barely resemble who they're supposed to be.
  3. You're forced to pick a second character to be controlled by the AI if you don't have a second player with you.
  4. Your AI partner is so poorly programmed that if you give it a projectile character, they'll just run around spamming projectiles everywhere.
  5. Melee characters are near-useless and have no attack animation, their sprite just nudges forward slightly.
  6. There is no visible health meter, even though you have health pickups.
  7. Level layouts and graphics that make no sense. The maps are jumbled with random objects.
  8. Every level objective and boss is exactly the same.
  9. Extremely sensitive menu controls, where holding Select for more than a few milliseconds will cause the selection to change multiple times.
    • The in-game controls feel stiff. For instance, there's a slight delay between inputs, which can get you killed.
  10. Even after beating all the levels, the game can't be completed unless you know the cheat code to access the last stage. See below:
  11. The reason only half of the cheat code is printed on the cartridge label is that the first part of the code is in a hidden message that can only be seen by doing a ridiculously cryptic task.
  12. There is no mercy invincibility for you or your ally. An enemy can pin you and kill you instantly before you can move.
  13. No checkpoints in the levels, meaning that if both of your characters die, you're kicked to the stage select screen and lose all of your progress in the level you were in.
    • Furthermore, there are no continues whatsoever after getting a Game Over.

Videos

Trivia

AVGN Enraged.jpg "What were they thinking?"
The Shit Scale
Games that are debatably bad High level of shit contamination The very high category The severe zone Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde Major code red
👆
This game/console belongs to the "Very High Category" category of the AVGN's Shit Scale.
  • The title in-game is just Marvel's X-Men, according to The Angry Video Game Nerd.

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