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Snow White and the 7 Clever Boys

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Snow White and the 7 Clever Boys
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"This is terrifying. This isn't Snow White. This is more like evil porcelain dolls come to life."
The Angry Video Game Nerd
Genre(s): Puzzle
Platform(s): PlayStation 2
Release: December 16, 2006
Developer(s): Aqua Pacific
Publisher(s): Phoenix Games
Country: United Kingdom
"Even though the actual animation itself is of much higher quality than Dalmatians 3, this is easily the worst PS2 game out there because of the complete lack of absolutely anything! For the time that it came out, the lack of quality control, care into improve at all from Phoenix Games, blatantly horrendous copy and pasting, no difference in mini-games, THE FACT THAT IT'S OFFICIALLY LICENSED BY SONY THAT IT COSTS MONEY INTO IT--"
Caddicarus


Snow White and the 7 Clever Boys is a puzzle game developed by Aqua Pacific and published by Phoenix Games, and was released in 2006 for the PlayStation 2 only in Europe. The animated film was made by the now-defunct Polish company Longsoft Multimedia, which specialized in developing games and low-budget animations.

Why It's Not Clever

  1. It's not really a video game, it's just a compilation of mini-games and a movie.
    • It is a seriously poor port of the Snow White game from the Familijny CD-Romek games.
  2. The mini-games themselves are boring.
  3. Weird and laughable dialogue that sounds like someone is putting a gun to the voice actors' and actresses' heads. For example, the narrator says that Cubby "is like a small bear", Big Basil "was huge - well, for a boy he was huge", and Snow White sings a song that begins with "This is my song/I'll sing it now". Some of these examples were probably the result of the English translation of the game trying to convey the original Polish script quite literally to the point that the narration in the dub isn't written in verse.
  4. Weird scenes, such as the face on the chimney, Joseph Jr. walking on water, and the extremely anachronistic fact that the characters have access to fully-functioning microphones and disco lights in the time when Snow White takes place.
  5. The song is badly written, as Snow White says "jealous" a total of 6 times (4 in one of the beginning stanzas) and it does a poor job of telling her story. It doesn’t even specify what the Evil Queen is jealous of! (She is jealous of Snow White's looks, but the song's lyrics make no sense and fail to specify it.) It sounds like she made it up and sang it in the shower.
  6. Incomplete story.
  7. Poorly done animation (especially in the musical part, it's so bad that you can notice some parts that were just looped with slight modifications), Not only that, the 2D animated characters are placed in a 3D environment, which looks awful and makes the movie part look like it was made in 3D Movie Maker.
  8. The box art is downright terrifying, with AVGN describing the characters as "evil porcelain dolls come to life". which is a false advertisement for 3 reasons:
    • None of the characters look like the Disney bootlegs on the cover, with the biggest example being the 7 Clever Boys (they look like old dwarves on the cover, yet in-game they are ordinary boys).
      • Snow White also is inaccurate as well, her hair is black while she's actually blonde in-game, her lips are normal while puffy in-game, and her skin is paler than in-game, and lastly, her in-game dress looks nothing like the dress on the cover beside being a dress or having puffy sleeves
    • The Evil Queen in her hag form is never seen on screen (just her shadow), despite being in the front of the box art.
    • The animation and art style are lies as well. In the box art, the characters are in 3D, but in the game, they are animated in 2D with the backgrounds and surroundings being set in 3D,
  9. The apple is shown bleeding (the "blood" is supposed to be poison), which is rather graphic considering this is a kids game, not to mention that fruit doesn't "bleed" like animals do.
  10. The black clever boy, Sonny, is depicted in blackface and has rather thick red lips.
    • What makes the matter worse is that the boy in the original Polish version of the game was named Blacky.
  11. The game's movie is very short, lasting about six minutes.
  12. Snow White's singing voice sounds like she's bored out of her mind.
    • The same woman sings in the Polish version, where she sounds more enthusiastic.
  13. Of the 4.7 gigabytes available on PS2's DVD discs at the time of release, the entirety of the game only used about 300 megabytes. That's not even a tenth of the available space!

Redeeming Qualities

  1. The narrator's voice is decent and bearable.
  2. Some effort was put into the graphics though.
  3. The song, despite the laughably bad lyrics, does sound pretty good.

Lyrics of song

(A big thank you goes to Lemon Melon for the lyrics transcription.)

"This is my song, I'll sing it now.

The one of the mirror and the evil queen.

Sparkling mirror, the truth it can see.

Oh say it please, who is more beautiful.

She is so jealous, jealous of me. So very jealous, jealous of me.

Show the miracle of beauty in the lake of your glass.

Her heart's so hard, it won't let me pass.

She has chased me, hunted me. Alone and crying, in forests so dark.

I know that you really care. Let me stay, our lives we can share.

She is so jealous of me, so very jealous of me.

It lives in her evil heart, unlike mine.

She has chased me, hunted me. Alone and crying, in forests so dark.

I know that you really care. Let me stay, our lives we can share."

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