Postal III

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Postal III
"I know what you're thinking, but the funny thing is I don't even like video games, especially not this one."
Genre: Action-adventure
Platforms: PC
Release Date: CIS: November 23, 2011
WW: December 21, 2011 (digital)
NA: December 23, 2011
Developer: Trashmasters
Publisher: Akella
Franchise: Postal
Previous Game: Postal 2
Next Game: Postal Redux

Postal III is an action game developed by Trashmasters and published by Akella. The game had no direct involvement from Running With Scissors, the original developers of the Postal series, which accounts for the game's crappiness. In fact, RWS has since disowned the game and made it non-canon.

Why It Sucks

  1. Low budget graphics, even when compared to its predecessor released eight years prior.
  2. Lots of bugs.
  3. Awkward and obtuse controls.
  4. Bad collision detection which, coupled with the bad controls, makes the gameplay a chore.
  5. The game is completely linear, in contrast to the previous game's open-world structure.
  6. All missions play practically identically.
  7. Awful script, with bad attempts at edgy humor.
  8. Bad physics, despite the fact that it was made on the Source engine, which games considered revolutionary for their physics like Half-Life 2 and Portal were made in.
  9. Fire doesn't spread anymore like it did in Postal 2.
  10. All the weapons feel awkward and weak to use. In fact, the only weapon you will ever use is the M16 because it does the most damage. All the other weapons feel very weak and awkward.
  11. The "Free Roam" mode is a complete joke. The only thing you can do in free roam is just kill people and that's it. Postal 2 was open world and it was about exploration when you weren't doing the objectives.
  12. Postal 2 was later updated to have a boxed copy of the game hidden in the grass of the junkyard. If you pee on it, you'll get an achievement for it called "SCREW that game!" and has a picture of Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes peeing on the game. That's how much RWS hates this game!
  13. Often times during cut-off points in cutscenes, a very loud, quality clipping sound of Ron Jeremy screaming plays before going to a different cutscene. It gets very annoying as it happens a lot. Also, what even is the point of it? Is it supposed to be funny?!
  14. The game encourages you to take the good path, and not kill anyone. If you join the police force on the good path, most of the time you have to use the stun gun, to stun them, not kill them. If you kill enough people on the good run, you are forced into the bad run. WHAT KIND OF POSTAL GAME DISCOURAGES YOU FROM USING VIOLENCE?!
  15. There's no point in even buying this game because Mike Jaret (VP of Running With Scissors) will give out product keys for free if you nicely email him asking for one.

Redeeming Qualities

  1. It has a branching story with paths to chose from, which is something that Postal 2 didn't have.
  2. The art style is good. The opening cutscene in the beginning of the game is done well and shows off what they were going for.
  3. Corey Cruise's voice acting is alright, and he returns in Postal 2: Paradise Lost expansion pack as "the Alternate Postal Dude". Meanwhile, Postal 2's Steam release features Rick Hunter's unused lines recycled from this travesty of a game.
  4. Even though the graphics aren't good, the detail looks decent compared to Postal 2.
  5. You can kill Osama Bin Laden and Uwe Boll (director of the poorly-received 2007 Postal film), just like what Postal 2 did with Running With Scissors and Gary Coleman.
  6. Good soundtrack, with an excellent remix of "Goodbye Almond Eyes" by Tokyo Rose and "Going Postal" by Secondhand Child.
  7. There are modifications like the "Postal III Improvement Mod", which fixes most of the game's issues and removes the notorious "Karma Meter" in order to allow the player to be able to kill anyone without negatively affecting the gameplay. On top of that: It's being remade as a Postal 2 mod known as "Postal III Unreal", which is actually how the game should be made.

Similarities with Duke Nukem Forever

Many have started to take notice that Postal III has a TON of similarities with the also not so well received Duke Nukem Forever. Below is a list of some of the similarities they have with each other.

  1. Both franchises have not had a new game since the release of these two games.
    • Although Running with Scissors did make POSTAL 2: Paradise Lost and POSTAL Redux, the former was an expansion pack, and the latter a remake of the original POSTAL. Gearbox also made Duke Nukem 3D: 20th Anniversary World Tour Edition, but that was just a re-release with a new chapter.
  2. They are both sequels to classic FPS games with a humorous protagonist and were both poorly received.
  3. They were both released in 2011.
  4. They were both stuck in development hell.
  5. Postal III uses a regenerating health system like DNF did. (Though you can carry more than two weapons in Postal III unlike in DNF.)
  6. They were both worked on by many different studios.
  7. They both have dated, forced, and unfunny humor.
  8. They both looked so much better when shown at E3 and were first announced many years ago.
  9. They both have a lot of cut content.
  10. They both get very repetitive.