Postal III

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Postal III

Postal-3-box.jpg

Russian Postal III.jpeg

Postal-3-JP.jpg

"I couldn't disappoint the fans."
The Postal Dude
Protagonist(s): The Postal Dude
Genre(s): Third-person shooter
Platform(s): Microsoft Windows
Release date: CIS: November 23, 2011
WW: December 21, 2011
JP: July 20, 2012
Engine: Source
Developer(s): Trashmasters
Running with Scissors
Publisher(s): WW: Akella
JP: CyberFront Corporation
Made in: Russia
United States
Franchise: Postal
Predecessor: Postal 2
Successor: Postal 4: No Regerts


"I regret everything."
A Steam review of the game

Postal III is a third-person shooter game developed by Trashmasters in association with Running with Scissors and published by Akella worldwide and CyberFront Corporation in Japan.

Why It Regrets Everything

  1. Low-budget graphics, even when compared to its predecessor released eight years prior.
  2. Lots of game-breaking bugs.
  3. Very long loading screens. Even Sonic '06 has faster loading screens than this game.
  4. Every cutscene filled with awful film-damage filter tried to make it look like something from a Grindhouse trailer.
  5. Awkward and obtuse controls.
  6. Bad collision detection, which, coupled with the bad controls, makes the gameplay a chore.
  7. Kicking anything, something that is perfected in POSTAL 2, is a chore because of the bad hit detection and the fact that it has a one-second delay.
  8. The game is completely linear, in contrast to the previous game's open-world structure.
  9. The game has an extreme tendency to crash, even more than the predessesor.
  10. All missions play practically identical.
  11. Awful script, with bad attempts at edgy humor. It's even worse than Uwe Boll's POSTAL film.
  12. Besides the edgy humor, this game's take on politics is laughably outdated, referencing stuff that were already out-of-date when this game was released, such as the Great Recession, Sarah Palin, and Osama Bin Laden being alive despite being killed 7 months after this game came out.
  13. Bad physics, despite the fact that it was made on the Source engine (which uses the Havok physics engine), where games got considered as revolutionary for their physics, like Half-Life 2 and Portal were made in.
  14. Fire doesn't spread anymore as it did in POSTAL 2.
  15. All the weapons feel awkward and weak to use. In fact, the only weapon you will ever use is the M16 because it does the most damage.
  16. The Free Roam mode is a complete joke. The only thing you can do there is killing people, wandering around the map and that's it. POSTAL 2 has an open world, but it was also about exploration when you weren't focusing on the errands.
  17. Often times during cut-off points in cutscenes, a very loud, low-quality clipping sound of Ron Jeremy screaming plays before going to a different cutscene. It gets very annoying as it happens a lot.
  18. The game introduces a new mechanic known as the Karma Meter which, while cool on paper, doesn't fit with the POSTAL franchise at all. It also encourages you to take the Good path, and not to kill anyone by joining the Catharsis Police Force, where most of the time, you'll have to use the Stun Gun to stun them instead of killing them. If you kill enough people and empty all of your Meter, you'll be fired and change into the Insane path.
  19. There's no point in even buying this game because Mike Jaret (VP of Running With Scissors) will give out product keys for free if you nicely email him asking for one (outdated, Mike says he has no more keys to give), or alternatively, you can buy POSTAL XX from the Running With Scissors website (a 20th-anniversary box that includes all POSTAL games, the movie and some other goodies).
  20. Some of the achievements are broken, such as "CHAMP WHISPERER" and "MEGA-SADIST".
  21. Melee weapons have low damage, and with the horrendous hit detection, you won't want to use them anyways.
  22. The game somehow blatantly lies about how the Karma Meter works. In the Krotchy's Korner cutscene where Krotchy introduces the mechanic to the player and explains how it works, he says that using Non-Lethal force will refill your Karma, but in reality, it doesn't do anything and feels like it's only meant to prevent it from dropping.
  23. In this game, The Postal Dude helps the Taliban instead of killing them, unlike in the previous game, POSTAL 2.

Redeeming Qualities

  1. The art style is good, especially the opening cutscene at the beginning of the game (serving as a recap of the events from POSTAL 2), which is done well and shows off what they were going for.
  2. Corey Cruise's voice acting is alright, and he returns in Postal 2: Paradise Lost expansion pack as "The Alternate Postal Dude". Meanwhile, Postal 2's Steam release features Rick Hunter's unused lines recycled from this travesty of a game..
  3. You can kill Osama bin Laden (ironically, he died more than seven months after this game came out) and Uwe Boll (director of several poorly-received movies, like the 2007 Postal film), just like what POSTAL 2 did with Running With Scissors and Gary Coleman.
  4. Good soundtrack, with an excellent remix of "Goodbye Almond Eyes" by Tokyo Rose and "Going Postal" by Secondhand Child.
  5. There are modifications like the "Postal III Improvement Mod", which fixes most of the game's issues and removes the notorious Karma Meter in order to allow the player to be able to kill anyone without negatively affecting the gameplay.
  6. RWS at least did the good thing of removing the game from their store page and actively warning people not to buy this disaster.

Trivia

  • The reason why this game is so terrible is due to the fact that RWS outsourced this game to a game studio from Russia named Akella. Because of the economic downfall Russia was dealing at the time thanks to the 2008 recession, the game was transferred to a shovelware developer owned by Akella named Trashmasters. It didn't help that they had no money to pay for any kind of quality control whatsoever.
  • POSTAL 2 was later updated to have a boxed copy of the game hidden in the grass of the junkyard. If you pee on it, you'll get an achievement for it called "SCREW that game!" and has a picture of Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes peeing on the game. The community of the franchise and RWS themselves even have an inside joke that "Postal III never happened" (due of RWS not being involved in the development and disowning the game).
  • Sometime in 2020, the beta version got leaked for unknown reasons, presumably because Valve's Source engine license at the time, contained the beta content for TF2 and Half Life 2: Episode 2 (June 2007 build, 4 months before the release of The Orange Box, which both of the games mentioned was featured in.)[1]
  • Clicking on "POSTAL 3" on the Running With Scissors website brings you to "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley.

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