Postal III

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Postal III
Postal-3-box.jpg
"I know what you're thinking, but the funny thing is I don't even like video games, especially not this one."
Genre: Action
Adventure
Third-Person Shooter
Platforms: Microsoft Windows
Release Date: CIS: November 23, 2011
WW: December 21, 2011 (digital)
NA: December 23, 2011
Game Engine: Source
Developer: Trashmasters
Running With Scissors
Publisher: Akella
Made in: Russia
United States
Franchise: POSTAL
Previous Game: POSTAL (by release date)
POSTAL 2 (chronologically)
Next Game: POSTAL 2: Paradise Lost (by release date)
POSTAL 4: No Regerts (chronologically)


Postal III is an action game developed by Trashmasters in association with Running With Scissors and published by Akella. The game had no direct involvement from Running With Scissors, the original developers of the POSTAL franchise, which accounts for the game's crappiness. In fact, RWS has since disowned the game and made it non-canon.

Why It Sucks

  1. Low-budget graphics, even when compared to its predecessor released eight years prior.
  2. Lots of game-breaking bugs.
  3. Very long loading screens. Even Sonic '06 has faster loading screens than this game.
  4. Every cutscene filled with awful film-damage filter tried to make it look like from Grindhouse trailer.
  5. Awkward and obtuse controls.
  6. Bad collision detection, which, coupled with the bad controls, makes the gameplay a chore.
  7. Kicking anything, something that is perfected in POSTAL 2, is a chore because of the bad hit detection and the fact that it has a one-second delay.
  8. The game is completely linear, in contrast to the previous game's open-world structure.
  9. It crashes constantly.
  10. All missions play practically identical.
  11. Awful script, with bad attempts at edgy humor. It's even worse than Uwe Boll's POSTAL film.
  12. Besides the edgy humor, this game's take on politics is laughably outdated, referencing stuff that were already out-of-date when this game was released, such as the Great Recession, Sarah Palin, and Osama Bin Laden being alive despite being killed 7 months after this game came out.
  13. Bad physics, despite the fact that it was made on the Source engine (which uses the Havok physics engine), where games got considered as revolutionary for their physics, like Half-Life 2 and Portal were made in.
  14. Fire doesn't spread anymore as it did in POSTAL 2.
  15. All the weapons feel awkward and weak to use. In fact, the only weapon you will ever use is the M16 because it does the most damage.
  16. The Free Roam mode is a complete joke. The only thing you can do there is killing people, wandering around the map and that's it. POSTAL 2 has an open world, but it was also about exploration when you weren't focusing on the errands.
  17. Often times during cut-off points in cutscenes, a very loud, low-quality clipping sound of Ron Jeremy screaming plays before going to a different cutscene. It gets very annoying as it happens a lot.
  18. The game introduces a new mechanic known as the Karma Meter which, while cool on paper, doesn't fit with the POSTAL franchise at all. It also encourages you to take the Good Run, and not to kill anyone by joining the Catharsis Police Force, where most of the time, you'll have to use the Stun Gun to stun them instead of killing them. If you kill enough people and empty all of your Meter, you'll be fired and change into the Evil Run.
  19. There's no point in even buying this game because Mike Jaret (VP of Running With Scissors) will give out product keys for free if you nicely email him asking for one (outdated, Mike says he has no more keys to give), or alternatively, you can buy POSTAL XX from the Running With Scissors website (a 20th-anniversary box that includes all POSTAL games, the movie and some other goodies).
  20. Some of the achievements are broken, such as "CHAMP WHISPERER" and "MEGA-SADIST".
  21. Melee weapons have low damage, and with the horrendous hit detection, you won't want to use them anyways.
  22. The game somehow blatantly lies about how the Karma Meter works. In the Krotchy's Korner cutscene where Krotchy introduces the mechanic to the player and explains how it works, he says that using Non-Lethal force will refill your Karma, but in reality, it doesn't do anything and feels like it's only meant to prevent it from dropping.
  23. In this game, The Postal Dude helped the Taliban instead of killing them, unlike in the previous game, POSTAL 2.

Redeeming Qualities

  1. The Art Style is good, especially the opening cutscene at the beginning of the game (serving as a recap of the events from POSTAL 2), which is done well and shows off what they were going for.
  2. Corey Cruise's voice acting is alright, and he returns in Postal 2: Paradise Lost expansion pack as "The Alternate Postal Dude". Meanwhile, Postal 2's Steam release features Rick Hunter's unused lines recycled from this travesty of a game..
  3. You can kill Osama Bin Laden (ironically, he died more than seven months after this game came out) and Uwe Boll (director of several poorly-received movies, like the 2007 Postal film), just like what Postal 2 did with Running With Scissors and Gary Coleman.
  4. Good soundtrack, with an excellent remix of "Goodbye Almond Eyes" by Tokyo Rose and "Going Postal" by Secondhand Child.
  5. There are modifications like the "Postal III Improvement Mod", which fixes most of the game's issues and removes the notorious Karma Meter in order to allow the player to be able to kill anyone without negatively affecting the gameplay.
  6. RWS at least did the good thing of removing the game from their store page and actively warning people not to buy this disaster.

Similarities with Duke Nukem Forever

Many have started to take notice that Postal III has a TON of similarities with the also not so well received Duke Nukem Forever. Below is a list of some of the similarities they have with each other.

  1. Neither franchises have had a new game since the release of these two games. POSTAL 4: No Regerts is now in the works (currently in Early Access). Ironically, Duke Nukem's voice actor Jon St. John replaced Rick Hunter as the Dude due to the latter's new job as a radio host.
    • Adding on to the irony is the fact that the very first mission you need to do in No Regerts is to ask the residents of Edensin, Arizona, where to find a job.
      • Although Running with Scissors did make POSTAL 2: Paradise Lost and POSTAL Redux, the former was an expansion pack, and the latter a remake of the original POSTAL. Gearbox also made Duke Nukem 3D: 20th Anniversary World Tour Edition, but that was just a re-release with a new chapter.
  2. They are both sequels to classic FPS games with a humorous protagonist and were both poorly received.
  3. They were both worked on by many different studios.
  4. They both have very dated, forced and unfunny humor.
  5. They were both released in 2011.
  6. They were both stuck in development hell.
  7. Postal III uses a regenerating health system like DNF did (though you can carry more than two weapons (later four in PC version) in Postal III unlike in DNF).
  8. They both looked so much better when shown at E3 and were first announced many years ago.
  9. They both have a lot of cut content.
  10. They both get very repetitive.

Trivia

  • The reason why this game is so terrible is due to the fact that RWS outsourced this game to a game studio from Russia named Akella. Because the economic downfall Russia was dealing at the time, the game was transferred to a shovelware developer owned by Akella named Trashmasters. It didn't help that they had no money to pay for any kind of quality control whatsoever.
  • POSTAL 2 was later updated to have a boxed copy of the game hidden in the grass of the junkyard. If you pee on it, you'll get an achievement for it called "SCREW that game!" and has a picture of Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes peeing on the game. The community of the franchise even have a some sort of unwritten rule (which can be noticed by a lot of members of the RWS community doing when it's being discussed), where you have to pretend that Postal III never happened (due of RWS not being involved in the development and disowning the game). That's how much RWS and the POSTAL community hates this game!
  • Sometime in 2020, the beta version of the game got leaked, And the leak, for unknown reasons, presumably because of Valve's Source engine license at the time, contained the beta content of TF2 and Half Life 2: Episode 2 (June 2007 build, 4 months before the release of The Orange Box, which both of the games mentioned was featured in.)[1]

Videos

Comments


avatar

DmitriLeon2000

13 months ago
Score 2
You thought this was bad? Wait 'til you see POSTAL 2: Штопор жжот! (Corkscrew Rules!). It was developed by Avalon Style Entertainment and published by Akella. This and Postal III have a rating of 5% on Absolute Games.
avatar

RTL101

13 months ago
Score 3
Flatout 3 have a rating of 1 (ONE !) percent on Absolute Games.
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Your grampa

10 months ago
Score 3
This is the single worst game I have ever played.
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HunterZolomon

10 months ago
Score 1
Damn they didn't even bothered to fix broken trophies like champ whisperer, mega-sadist and bipolar(i heard someone found solution on steam)
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Zeephare

7 months ago
Score 2
FlatOut 3 and Postal III have many features: Both games were released in 2011, both games were released only on Microsoft Windows and Steam, both games received less than 25/100 on Metacritic, both games were made in Europe, both games were produced by amateur studios, both games have the same number in the title, both games have terrible artificial intelligence, both games were released by another publishing studios, both games received mostly negative reviews on Steam, and both games cost same on Steam.
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Inkster

7 months ago
Score 0
What an interesting coincidence. And they have a LOT in common.
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HinD

4 months ago
Score 1
Don't forget the fact that both games almost killed their respective franchises.
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KhaiCanuck

2 months ago
Score 0
Some of idiot edited some of my part on Postal 3 after I watched Civvie 11's vid on that trash game.

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