Guts and Glory

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Guts and Glory
Guts-and-Glory.jpg
Happy Wheels called, they want their concept back.
Genre(s): Simulation
Platform(s): Linux
macOS
Microsoft Windows
Nintendo Switch
PlayStation 4
Xbox One
Release: Early Access
February 15, 2017
Full release
July 19, 2018
Engine: Unity
Developer(s): HakJak
Publisher(s): tinyBuild
Country: United States

Guts and Glory is a simulation video game developed by HakJak and published by tinyBuild. It was originally released as an Early Access on February 15, 2017, and then fully released on July 19, 2018.

Why It Sucks

  1. Extremely poor graphics that look like an early 2000s game.
  2. The Nintendo Switch port is very poorly-done because it suffers from even worse graphics, an inconsistent and low framerate, and frequently lags when there's too much blood or particles popping up, which is stupid because the Switch should be able to run the game perfectly fine without any issues. This is completely inexcusable.
  3. Broken and clunky controls, especially for Lawnchair Larry.
  4. The levels can range from decent to horribly unfair, usually being the final level. These are the worst examples:
    • The Yang Family's last level involves you doing a bit of car parkour which would be fine on the surface, except due to the crappy controls and garbage physics, you'll constantly fall to the bottom because the car constantly bounces off of the sides.
    • This one is leaning more on Artificial difficulty than actual trouble but Lawnchair Larry's final level has you attempting to complete the level while having to deal with motion sickness since the screen is in this weird kind of trippy filter used for the level, basically, it's an interface screw.
  5. Unrealistic and hilariously bad gore. The blood looks like ketchup and the flesh looks like raw beef steak.
  6. Due to the bad physics and horrible controls, there will be a lot of cheap deaths.
  7. You get absolutely nothing if you complete all of the levels, no rewards, no secret levels, no congratulation screen, literally nothing. You only just get booted back to the title screen and nothing else happens.
  8. Cringe-worthy voices that are laughably terrible compared to the actual Happy Wheels, with John shouting corny lines like "OH GOD!" in a tone that sounds like they weren't even trying.
  9. Terrible optimization for lower-end PCs despite the game looking no better than a trainwreck.
  10. Dull and forgettable soundtrack and some of the songs in the game are actually just royalty music.
  11. The game can be inconsistent at times in terms of failing, for example, whenever you get your leg or arm cut off, sometimes it kills you; sometimes it doesn't, making it completely random in terms of getting hurt anywhere else besides the upper torso.
  12. The console ports, in general, have this strange change to 2 characters, John's son was replaced by Debra, and Jack and Jill are both old people, obviously a method of censorship. These changes are made despite the fact The Yang Family still has the kid in the back.
  13. The characters are extremely wobbly when on the vehicle.
  14. Low replay value. Unless if you're playing on Steam (which has Steam Workshop), there's pretty much nothing else to do after finishing it, and there's only so much fun you can have replaying the levels.

Redeeming Qualities

  1. Just like Happy Wheels, you can get to play as different characters with different abilities.
    • John and his son Jimmy ride on a mountain bike with a child seat and serve as the game's mascots.
    • Jack and his sister Jill ride on a children's bicycle with a wagon attached to it by a rope.
    • Earl the Redneck rides on an ATV.
    • Zoe rides on a modified motorbike.
    • The Yang Family rides in a family convertible sports car.
    • Pedro drives an old pickup truck with 2 of his buddies, some stacks of money and several parcels of cocaine in the truck's open flatbed.
    • Dr. Lawrence "Lawnchair Larry" Walters rides on a flyable lawnchair with 4 rockets powered by a gas cylinder attached to it.
    • Junior surfs on an actual hoverboard.
  2. Steam has a Workshop so at least you won't be bored playing the exact same levels over and over.
  3. Unlike Happy Wheels, there are actually checkpoints here so you can get through the harder and longer levels without having to worry about screwing up and having all of your progress being wiped out.
  4. The game is a massive passion project for HakJak, its creator, animator, and programmer. This was originally created during his free time while working at an office building, with completely no coding and programming skills at all.

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