G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

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G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Booooo, you stink EA! "This action game teaches a valuable lesson: Avoid poor film tie-ins." - Kevin VanOrd of GameSpot
Genre: Action
Platforms: PlayStation 2
PlayStation 3
Xbox 360
Nintendo DS
PlayStation Portable
Release Date: August 4, 2009
Developer: Double Helix Games
Backbone Entertainment
Publisher: Electronic Arts
Franchise: G.I. Joe

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is the title of a video game adaption of the 2009 film of the same name. The game takes place after the film. The Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 versions are similar, while the DS version and the Wii, PlayStation 2, and PSP versions are different versions, respectively.

Why It Sucks

  1. The characters and environments look really boring.
  2. Mid-level checkpoints update your score but DON'T save your game, forcing you start the level all over from scratch if both characters die as you're limited to a single life, which is extremely frustrating.
  3. Abysmal voice acting.
  4. You have no control over the camera where it swoops all around all on its own to give you what is apparently intended to be a proper view of the proceedings, leading to you getting harmed by offscreen enemies or running towards the camera, unable to see where you're going.
  5. When the camera view suddenly flips while you are moving, the controls often won't adjust properly, so your character may go running off in some direction other than the one you intended unlike many other games with fixed or semi-fixed cameras which have managed these camera shifts properly such as Devil May Cry.
  6. The game gets dull too soon.
  7. The game has one too many glitches.
  8. The vehicles controls are too slippery as the direction you want the vehicle to go always changes due to the awful camera where you always push the stick forward to move the vehicle forward, but your view of the action may be from the side, from slightly above, or even from in front, along with the fact that the camera will move about as you drive, forcing you to constantly rethink which direction you need to push the stick in to make the tank move in the direction you want it to go.
  9. Poor cover system in the game that would only make sense if you always viewed your camera from behind but you don't, so you'll be tumbling or taking cover when you want to do the opposite along with taking cover on the wrong side of the object due to the aforementioned poor camera.
  10. The targeting system is horrible since it's automatic. You can switch targets using the right analog stick, but if you take cover and select any enemy other than the default target, the game will automatically switch your target back to the default if you don't fire for a few seconds.
  11. The game doesn't distinguish among foes that can hurt you, buildings that cannot, and the score-enhancing cubes, leading to you being surrounded by Cobra grunts but firing at some offscreen power-up because the game can't prioritize a dude with a gun over a harmless cube hovering in the air.
  12. When an enemy falls, the targeting might not lock on to nearby foes because they are behind you--which happens often, given the horrible camera.
  13. If you play on the medium or hard difficulty level, you may almost always die once or twice due to the aforementioned awful camera or the awful targeting.
  14. You'll be constantly shooting at power-ups instead of the enemies.
  15. Atrocious vehicle sequences.
  16. If you play with CPU allies, they're invincible but deal very little damage no matter what. They also don't really take cover in competent ways or try to avoid fire which doesn't matter since they can't die anyway, thus they're mostly present to soak up bullets.
  17. In co-op mode, the camera could get hung up if both playable characters wander too far apart rather than going into a split screen.
  18. Clunky boss battles.
  19. Unbalanced characters.
  20. Bad controls.
  21. Poorly compressed music.
  22. Poor textures.
  23. Fuzzy resolution.
  24. Stilted animation.
  25. Ugly cutscenes.
  26. Bad dialogue.
  27. Extremely long loading times with an average duration of around thirty seconds - although some of them seem to drag on for a whole minute.
  28. The sound effects range from mediocre to outright terrible. The tinny din of the weapons is enough to make you reach for something spongy to shove in your ears. In addition, other sound effects sound completely wrong. A great example of that is when you break open crates, the flying debris sounds more like the whirring of a computer in a bad 1960s science fiction film than ricocheting rubbish.
  29. Unimpressive art design.
  30. The storyline is suitably ridiculous and dreadful.
  31. Repetitive gameplay that gets boring after a while.
  32. Clunky and tedious action.