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Cover Girl

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― Todd Howard
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Cover Girl
Cg.jpg
This is what would happen if someone took the confession booths of Catherine and made a whole game out of it (albeit without any plot or meaning).
Genre(s): Visual novel
Platform(s): PlayStation Portable
Release: October 15, 2009
Developer(s): Neko Entertainment
Publisher(s): Ubisoft
Country: France


Cover Girl is a "visual novel" developed by Neko Entertainment and published by Ubisoft in 2009 exclusively in Europe for the Sony PlayStation Portable.

Why It Sucks

  1. The game has barely any gameplay, if at all. All you have to do is to hit the R or X buttons in order to scroll through the pages of the magazine, choose a response to a question during personality tests, or play some horrendously made minigames to continue the game.
  2. Speaking of the minigames, they often have nonsensical or outright disgusting concepts. For example, the matching minigame has you reveal and match tiles depicting sex positions, and the sounds that play when you successfully match a tile is extremely suggestive.
    • The personality tests aren't much better in that regard: many of them ask you questions that go into great detail about things like your sex life.
    • Between one test and the other, the game describes you several sex positions in a graphic way, complete with some generic "horny" dialogue.
  3. What little characters are present in the "game" are horribly drawn, with them resembling discount anime characters, which clashes with the game's slightly "realistic" style.
  4. The game is rife with gender stereotypes. All men are portrayed as mindless idiots who only care about sex and sports; on the other hand, women are depicted as caring only for fashion and seduction.
    • The game's "Male translator", which is supposed to show what men "really" feel when they speak, is the worst offender of this. In literally every sentence, men are shown thinking either about sex, about sports, or not thinking at all.
    • The personality tests you can take are extremely idiotic, with many revolving around stuff like astrology, horoscopes or trying to discern your personality based on the clothes you wear. Not to mention, the "solutions" to the test are extremely creepy in real life. Many of these options would feel right at home in Super Seducer, of all games.
  5. The game treats the player like an idiot, with difficulty settings labeled as "Easy", "Not that Easy", "A bit Hard", etc. (not that it matters, as what little gameplay is present is insultingly easy per se).
  6. Just like Plumbers Don't Wear Ties, the game is unsure about its target audience. The game is rated PEGI 16+ (the equivalent of a high-end T rating and is used on a few M-rated action games), however, its contents aren't suitable for people that age; on the other hand, nothing in the game is remotely believable to people older than that. Note that games can get a PEGI 18+ for sexual content, but they are rare.
  7. Most minigames are just mediocre versions of games you can play with a pen and paper for free. There are only three games, a hanged man game where you guess the names of various articles of clothing, a matching game where you match tiles depicting sex positions (see WIS #2), and a minigame where you have to crack lucky biscuits open.
  8. The background songs you can choose are terrible and get on your nerves very soon.
  9. Overall, the game feels like a cheap version of Plumbers Don't Wear Ties, albeit without a story to get you engaged at least a bit, and without anything that made the latter game unintentionally funny.
  10. This game is rated 16+ by PEGI, but should be rated 18+ due to pervasive and graphic sexual content.

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