Castlevania II: Simon's Quest

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Castlevania II: Simon's Quest
2361209-nes castlevania2.jpg
"This game sucks." - AVGN, 2004
Genre: Action
Platformer
Platforms: Famicom Disk System
NES
Twin Famicom
Microsoft Windows
PlayStation 4
Xbox One
Nintendo Switch
Release Date: NES: August 28, 1988

PlayStation 4, Xbox One, Nintendo Switch, Steam (as part of Castlevania Anniversary Collection): May 16, 2019

Developer: Konami
Publisher: Konami
Franchise: Castlevania
Previous Game: Castlevania
Next Game: Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse

Castlevania II: Simon's Quest is a video game made by Konami for the NES in 1988. It's the sequel to the original Castlevania game and the first video game to be reviewed by the Angry Video Game Nerd though it was originally meant to be a joke James Rolfe made for his friends.

Plot

Simon Belmont is on a journey to undo a curse placed on him by Dracula (at the end of Castlevania). With Dracula's body split into five parts after his defeat, Simon must find and bring them to the ruins of his castle to seal and defeat him once and for all.

Why It Sucks

Note: This actually is a good game with some flaws. But since ripping on this game is an AVGN tradition, think of this article as a joke as well.

  1. Constant sluggish day and night cycles with each transition having an unskippable slow-ass text box, forcing the player to wait a few seconds for the text to finish every time.
  2. Hearts, which are used as currency, don't appear often in the game and most items take a lot of hearts to buy. Having to grind for hearts to buy new things is just another way of artificially padding out the game length.
  3. All the townspeople give the player intentionally misleading and confusing information (For example, someone tells Simon to "not look into the Death Star or he'll die") which, combined with the poor translation, makes figuring out how to progress in the game almost impossible without a guide.
  4. Invisible holes inside each castle that you will fall through unless you throw holy water every step you take, even though the holes look no different from the actual solid ground.
  5. Only 3 bosses in the whole game. One of them (to add further insult, that boss is supposed to be Death, a really challenging boss in other games in the series) doesn't even need to be defeated and can be just walked past and ignored completely.
  6. You have to break the crystal orb at the end of each castle with an oak stake. Not only does the game not tell you this but it's easy to mistake the stake for another sub-weapon, making it possible to waste completely by accident.
  7. Some of the tasks required to progress through the game make absolutely no sense, with clues such as the infamous "hit your head on Deborah Cliff to make a hole"—you actually have to crouch down right next to the cliff for a few seconds with the red crystal equipped so that a tornado appears and carries you to the next part of the game.
  8. There are clues in books hidden in secret areas around the game; however, unlike the day/night transitions, they can be accidentally skipped without being able to read if you even so much as tap any of the buttons.
  9. The last area of the game, Dracula's Castle, is a joke. There are absolutely no obstacles or enemies on the way to Dracula.
  10. Dracula (who looks like Grim Reaper) is incredibly easy to defeat by simply stunlocking him in place as soon as he appears. His castle is completely empty and devoid of enemies, so the last level is boring and has almost no challenge.
  11. Weak ending.

Redeeming Qualities

  1. The music is really good. One of the franchise's most famous songs, Bloody Tears, came from this game.
  2. Good graphics for the time.
  3. It was the first game in the series to take a non-linear approach, which would be the direction the series would take starting with Symphony of the Night.
  4. There is a hack that fixed many problems in the game, such as the crouch with the red crystal, the night and day transitions, the NPCs' dialogue and more.

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