Grust's Top 10 AVGN Quotes
(Warning: lots of naughty words)
What's so special and magical about the Angry Video Game Nerd is his ability to transform swearing into an artform creating such beauty and wonder from his filthy mouth. In honor of this ability I am honoring my top 10 AVGN quotes. Onto the countdown.
10. What were they thinking? ~ The Nerd's catchphrase.
9. Robert Louis Stevenson, you ruined my life. ~ Regarding Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde.
8. Purple for putrid gameplay. Blue for bad musical abominations. Green for graphical farts and garlic. Yellow for piss poor lack of loyalty to source material. Orange for orange you a fucking idiot. And red for high stress anger inducing masochism. Put them all together and you get the colors of the shit rainbow. Hurray LJN! ~ Towards LJN.
7. What a shitload of fuck! ~ Various
6. That's it, that's all I can take. How could they fuck up Zelda this bad? It's not a Zelda game I wouldn't call it that. Oh but it is, it has Zelda in it. It has Link. You know that's a pointless argument right there. That's like if your dad says, "I fucked your mom." It's like I can't argue with that. ~ Regarding the CD-i Zelda games.
5. I'd rather put my balls in a crocodile's mouth while shoving my head up a unicorn's asshole! ~ Regarding Bugs Bunny's birthday blowout.
4. This is fucked beyond belief! It's like the controls in this game are like something you do for a cheat code, not a basic move you have to do in order to play the game. Why'd they program it in such an asinine, ball-brained, cockamine, ridiculous fashion?! It's like, geez, there's four buttons right in front of the controller! But that's not enough to work with? Instead, they have to, like, program it, like, all into, like, weird, kinda, crazy button combinations and shit?! It's like what were they thinking? It's like up is jump, select for the grappling hook, select shouldn't even be part of the game, select should be like for the menus, or something. It's like geez! Like were they trying to ruin this game just flat out just fuck it up? Well they did, Batman Forever, it sucked back then and it sucks forever! ~ Regarding Batman Forever for SNES.
3. Man fuck this game man. Man I mean Jesus Christ I'd rather fucking 69 a grizzly bear while shoving King Kong up my ass. I'd rather fucking stand in the middle of a ring of monkey as they pelt me to death with their own anal waste. Man fuck this game, fuck it to hell, fuck it to oblivion fuck it to damnation to mankind. ~ Regarding Dragon's Lair for NES
2. It's not chocolate, nor is it poop. It's shit. ~ After shitting in a child's Halloween bag.
1. Now you're playing with power. Now you're playing with fucking shit. You're better off fucking shit than fucking with this fucked up shit. Fuck this shit! You don't know shit about how fucking shitty this fucking shit is. It's so bad it sucks. It's so fucking suck it fucks. And I can't take it anymore. ~ Regarding the Power Glove
Any quotes from the Nerd you're fond of? Let me know in the comments.