Bad Street Brawler

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Bad Street Brawler
It truly is a bad street brawler.
Genre: Beat 'em up
Platforms: NES

Commodore 64
MS-DOS
Amiga

Release Date: 1987
Developer: Beam Software

Mirage Software (Amiga)

Publisher: Mindscape


Bad Street Brawler (also known as Bop 'N Rumble on the Commodore 64 and Street Hassle on the Amiga) is a side-scrolling beat 'em up developed by Beam Software and released for various platforms in 1987. The NES version is one of only two games designed specifically for use with the Power Glove.

Why It Sucks

General

  1. Ugly graphics and unappealing character designs: in the NES version the main character looks like a homosexual Duke Nukem whilst on the Amiga and the ZX Spectrum he's a short muscular man wearing only sunglasses and a speedo.
  2. Enemy roster is dumb: in the Commodore 64 and Amiga versions you fight old age pensioners (who were changed to street punks and circus strong-men in the NES version due to censorship issues).
  3. Every level looks almost exactly the same.
  4. Even less plot than the most generic beat 'em ups out there.
  5. Almost zero enemy variety.

NES

  1. Every level has to be completed in a time limit, when you run out of time your health drains away.
  2. Stupid and badly-drawn cutscenes after every few levels ("I'd like a hamburger instead").
  3. Your special attacks are different in each level and look ridiculous in action, such as a strangling move that looks like you're molesting the enemy to death.
  4. Before each level you get to practice your special moves on a punching bag, but the game never tells you how to actually pull them off and instead displays stupid proverbs such as "Never trouble trouble til trouble troubles you".
  5. Only two annoying songs play throughout the whole game.
  6. Everything's on one flat plane instead of being able to move up/down.
  7. Half-assed environmental message (enemies often drop trash when defeated, which the main character tosses into a dumpster at the end of each level for extra points).

Amiga

  1. Plagiarized music (including "No Limit" by 2 Unlimited).
  2. Attempts at shock value that come off as crude and childish (curse words scribbled on level scenery, you fight tall black basketballers in the two last levels), much like Franko: The Crazy Revenge, which makes sense because both Franko and this game were made by the same company, Mirage Interactive.
  3. Absolutely terrible graphics, including character sprites ripped straight from the ZX Spectrum version and cut-scenes that look like they were drawn on Microsoft Paint.