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Ardennes Offensive.jpg
The German quality isn't always gold, when the publisher is IncaGold!
Protagonist: Cowell
Genre: First-Person Shooter
Platforms: Microsoft Windows
Release Date: DE: 2004
EU: November 1, 2006
Developer: Asylum Games
Publisher: DE: Asylum Games
EU: IncaGold
Made in: Germany

Ardennes Offensive (in Germany known as Ardennen Offensive: Die Entscheidung) is a 2004 first-person shooter game developed and published by Asylum Games in Germany, and IncaGold in Europe.


An American soldier, Cowell who was out on patrol when the Germans suddenly attacked the allied camp. Cowell survives the attack but finds himself alone and injured among the German forces. His only hope survival is to make it to the allied camp but to reach it he has move through the center of the enemy lines. At the same time Cowell has to gather as much information about the German offensive as possible and do what he can to sabotage it.

Why It Sucks

  1. As Asylum Games is a developer from Germany, and their game in Germany is entitled Ardennen Offensive, they forgot to change the title of the game in the main menu from German "Ardennen" to English "Ardennes" in the other language releases. For some, it could cause confusion, and even some say that the developers made a typo, especially for people who do not have the ability to speak German.
  2. The graphics are extremely poor and bring back the times when games were released for the first PlayStation, and that's how the game actually looks, only with more resolution and number of polygons, especially there's a fact that this is a game from 2004. The backgrounds are blurry and unreadable, while the natural elements cry out for vengeance to heaven, due to lack of details and the pathetic number of colors, especially the snow, which is so pale it causes eyes to bleed. Vehicles like tanks and trains have a small number of polygons and low-quality textures. There are also graphic bells and whistles that will cause a burst of laughter, including train wheels that resemble a chopped tomato, and rats that have incorrectly selected colors that look like they have eaten too much tomatoes that are supposed to imitate train wheels. Character models, which are theoretically German soldiers, are more reminiscent of moving and unemotional figures, and the weapons are poorly reproduced, reminiscent of toys transferred to an alternative world of programmers. Also worth mentioning are the special effects, which look like gifs from the abyss of hell, or the blood that looks more like tomato paste, and crooked shadows.
  3. A hopeless gunplay that immediately refuses you to deal with this game for longer. Most weapons deal poor damage, making some of them being downright useless. The most noticeable example is the pistol, which is possibly done with an acorn weapon or a percussion cap. It is true that the pistol is the weakest type of weapon in terms of damage, compared to the others, this one is mapped in such a way that shooting to the knee, the biggest weakness for firearms (excluding the head), needs even four bullets. Speaking about the rifle, opponents generally require the same several projectiles to be defeated, whether you shoot their stomach, knee, head, or caressingly speaking, private parts invisible to the player, the end result is still the same. There is another weapon worth mentioning, the musket which has an illogical balance as enemies somehow still take damage, and they can even be completely killed, even if you are far away from them.
  4. Introduced some unnecessary mechanic that is frustrating at times. When you're outside you lose one health point every few seconds, which is a bit unrealistic. It is true that it is snowing and it is freezing cold in the game, but that does not mean that the player will suddenly lose a piece of health in such a short time. It would still be understandable if the player would be standing outside for more than a few hours, but there's a fact that he cannot freeze up in only a few minutes.
  5. Changing the difficulty level does not matter. Whether you play on Easy (-) like a casual or Difficult (+) like a real masochist and desperate, is still the same. Health and ammo also remain intact.
  6. In the second mission, according to its rule, you must destroy the bridge with dynamites, and you must run as far as you can. At first glance, it seems as simple as building a flail, it turns out that dynamites are as powerful as nukes, and when you activate them, run immediately because even if you stand more than 50 meters theoretically, dynamite will still kill you. The only way to get around it is to run as far as the map allows as far as possible.
  7. The third mission is completely unnecessary and a complete waste of time. Your task is to destroy all soup bowls and boxes with various food in the bunker, but you can freely defeat as many enemies as possible, and after none of them are there, the food will not be affected, making destroying food pointless, because each of the enemies is defeated.
  8. In a mission where you have to stop all the mines and optionally the red mice, you can't shoot the mines at all because the mine is killing you, which is as powerful as dynamite, even if you are far away from the mine. Unfortunately for you, you have to defuse them, which won't be too short, but it's made more difficult by the fact that mice bite you a lot, so you're forced to shoot them so you don't accidentally shoot a mine.

The Only Redeeming Quality




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