G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is a video game adaption of the 2009 film of the same name. Developed by Double Helix Games and published by Electronic Arts for the mh:awesomegames:PlayStation 2, mh:awesomegames:PlayStation 3, mh:awesomegames:PlayStation Portable, mh:awesomegames:Nintendo Wii, mh:awesomegames:Nintendo DS, mh:awesomegames:Xbox 360, and mobile devices. The game is based on the film of the same name, which in turn is based on Hasbro's G.I. Joe toy franchise.

Why It Sucks
NOTE: Double Helix Games versions only.
 * 1) No story mode that follows the movie. The game is a sequel to the movie it is based on, taking place after the events of the movie, but there is no excuse as to why there couldn't be a story that follows the movie's plot.
 * 2) Cover Girl, Stone, and The President from the film are absent in the game.
 * 3) Agent Helix, Gung Ho, Shipwreck, Beachhead, Kamakura, Lift Ticket, Blackblast, Dr. Burkhart, Snow Job, Data Frame, Wild Bill, Recondo, Tunnel Rat, Sgt. Flash, Stalker, Dusty, Night Creeper, Firefly (not the Firefly from G.I. Joe: Retaliation), and Iron Grenadiers are the characters never happened in the movie.
 * 4) The characters and environments look really boring.
 * 5) Mid-level checkpoints update your score but don't save your game, forcing you start the level all over from scratch if both characters die as you're limited to a single life, which is extremely frustrating.
 * 6) Abysmal voice acting, as only Joseph Gordon-Levitt reprises his role from the film.
 * 7) * None of the actors from movie reprise their roles, though they couldn't get the original actors from the film to reprise their roles like Channing Tatum, Rachel Nichols, Marlon Wayans, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Dennis Quaid who also voices Grandpa Red-Beard in the SpongeBob SquarePants episode Grandpappy the Pirate, and Roven from the 2009 computer animated film Battle for Terra, Saïd Taghmaoui, Karolína Kurková, Jonathan Pryce, Christopher Eccleston, Sienna Miller, Lee Byung-hun, and Arnold Vosloo.
 * 8) You have no control over the camera where it swoops all around all on its own to give you what is apparently intended to be a proper view of the proceedings, leading to you getting harmed by offscreen enemies or running towards the camera, unable to see where you're going.
 * 9) When the camera view suddenly flips while you are moving, the controls often won't adjust properly, so your character may go running off in some direction other than the one you intended unlike many other games with fixed or semi-fixed cameras which have managed these camera shifts properly such as Devil May Cry.
 * 10) The game has one too many glitches.
 * 11) The vehicles controls are too slippery as the direction you want the vehicle to go always changes, due to the awful camera where you always push the stick forward to move the vehicle forward, but your view of the action may be from the side, from slightly above, or even from in front, along with the fact that the camera will move about as you drive, forcing you to constantly rethink which direction you need to push the stick in to make the tank move in the direction you want it to go.
 * 12) Poor cover system in the game that would only make sense if you always viewed your camera from behind but you don't, so you'll be tumbling or taking cover when you want to do the opposite along with taking cover on the wrong side of the object due to the aforementioned poor camera.
 * 13) The targeting system is horrible since it's automatic. You can switch targets using the right analog stick, but if you take cover and select any enemy other than the default target, the game will automatically switch your target back to the default if you don't fire for a few seconds.
 * 14) The game doesn't distinguish among foes that can hurt you, buildings that cannot, and the score-enhancing cubes, leading to you being surrounded by Cobra grunts but firing at some offscreen power-up because the game can't prioritize a dude with a gun over a harmless cube hovering in the air.
 * 15) When an enemy falls, the targeting might not lock on to nearby foes because they are behind you--which happens often, given the horrible camera.
 * 16) If you play on the medium or hard difficulty level, you may almost always die once or twice due to the aforementioned awful camera or the awful targeting.
 * 17) Atrocious vehicle sequences.
 * 18) If you play with CPU allies, they're invincible but deal very little damage no matter what. They also don't really take cover in competent ways or try to avoid fire which doesn't matter since they can't die anyway, thus they're mostly present to soak up bullets.
 * 19) In co-op mode, the camera could get hung up if both playable characters wander too far apart rather than going into a split screen.
 * 20) Clunky boss battles.
 * 21) Unbalanced characters.
 * 22) Bad controls.
 * 23) Poorly compressed music.
 * 24) Poor textures with ugly cutscenes, fuzzy resolution and stilted animation.
 * 25) Bad dialogue.
 * 26) Extremely long loading times with an average duration of around thirty seconds - although some of them seem to drag on for a whole minute.
 * 27) The sound effects range from mediocre to outright terrible. The tinny din of the weapons is enough to make you reach for something spongy to shove in your ears. In addition, other sound effects sound completely wrong. A great example of that is when you break open crates, the flying debris sounds more like the whirring of a computer in a bad 1960s science fiction film than ricocheting rubbish.
 * 28) The storyline is suitably ridiculous and dreadful.
 * 29) Repetitive gameplay that gets boring after a while.
 * 30) Clunky and tedious action.

Redeeming Qualities

 * 1) Much like the 2007 movie tie-in game Ghost Rider, Scarface: The World is Yours, John Woo Presents Stranglehold, the T rated Shrek game and the 2003 movie tie-in game Hulk which are sequels, the game G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra serves as a sequel to the film it is based on.
 * 2) At least they got Joseph Gordon Levitt reprise his role from the movie as Cobra Commander, but he was never a lead role, and he still gives an excellent performance as his character.
 * 3) The E10+ version of G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra for the Nintendo DS is a top-down perspective in the likes of Grand Theft Auto. The game uses the engine for the never released Gauntlet for the Nintendo DS.
 * 4) The Nintendo DS and Mobile Phone versions are different than the console version.
 * 5) The Mobile Phone version is a mixture of side scrolling and top down missions in vehicles both the Howler, and MOBAT tank.
 * 6) At least it do a better job sticking to the continuity of the G.I. Joe movie universe than the actual sequel itself, G.I. Joe: Retaliation, relating to the rules of the movie's universe. And this is all despite being considered a decent movie by many.

Trivia

 * Like Cars: The Video Game, the game G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra came out 3 days before the film's release on August 7th 2009 in theaters.

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