Blog:Farewell.

Hello everyone... it's me, Laddy, or Pencil or Leafy from BFDI, since both of them are my IRLs. It's been a long time since I remained silent on uh... Qualitipedia, this is probably where I am. I checked what was going on here... saw some people having enough of it and deciding to leave... and that gave me some concerns.

What was the summary of what I did this year...? Well, there isn't a lot, actually. I'm sure you've barely seen me this year, I haven't been here besides commenting in like... 1 month? I've gone on this website rarely in 2022. I focused on other interests more instead... I didn't really care about being part of the Reception Wikis, instead just hanged out with my buds and continued ruling a Discord server.

And that's the subject. I want to announce that I'm finally done with my presence on the Reception Wikis since today, with probably no way I'll return sometime, or even... months or years after that. I mean... I had passed some good time on the wikis, fixing up a lot of pages to help them and handling bad things here, but this ending here is not good. It's not like I'm leaving the wikis after doing the bests I can here, but I don't want to stay here anymore, and I feel like it's a mistake for me at the same time.

However, I did have a good time with you (except the people that made me sad), thank you. The problem is just that I don't feel comfortable being here. It's because of several flaws here. I'm going to describe them all this instant. Perhaps you've already learned about that, or if you're new to it, then I'll sure tell you what's wrong for me.

Lack of interest
This is at least the least serious one. I've just lost all my motivation to contribute to the wikis anymore. Like usual, since the first year, I used the wikis pretty frequently to edit pages and comment. After that, not much is coming from me because I'm focused on other types work such as art. But the good thing is that I'm responsible for good articles like Action 52 (which is featured) and Ninjabread Man, both of which I had worked on with ThePCGamer (AKA DeluxeGamer).

But... to be fair... the three other reasons below are also part of why I lost my interest, it's just not that it slowly got out of my brain. Other bad stuff are still going on to this day, and this all makes me feel like not wanting to focus on that for even longer. I could've stayed... probably 2 years here if it wasn't the case, but now that's just only 1 year which is a bit decent for me. For now, we'll move on to the other reasons which you need to know more...

Discomfort about the content and the community
For my first year here, I felt alright here, didn't really care about the other people. The next year is passing now, and now I don't want to stay in a place crowded with a lot of flawed members and disturbing content in this wiki. The Reception Wikis have a lot of... debates? And also, people I don't really like, but I'm not saying who. I can just say that what there is in the wikis are too aggravating for me to even handle them anymore. Each time I see a page about a serious topic or even something I like, it hurts my feelings, and I don't want this to continue over and over again. I think people also take many things too seriously, which is absolutely pointless for me, society is still doing fine for me despite its flaws that we still have to wait for them to disappear.

Honestly, why? Why discuss a lot and be angry about it when there is always a way to deal with it? I heavily disagree with that situation, but I don't care if it's the opposite for you, it's just that... I want to stay silent about it and I don't want to go near controversies or drama at all. But I think that's not like a lot of people...

Regrets
...Yeah. I've done mistakes here, and I can't stop thinking about them most of the time. And this makes me distressed everytime. I've said and done stuff that I feel very regretful about. People have been mad at me for deleting articles I thought were suspicious and not understanding, and... I-I don't know what to say... it made me very anxious every time... and I feel like I need to apologise for that. I'm really sorry for what I've done, please forgive me, I don't want you to be mad at me all the time just because I've done bad things as an admin.

Mental issues
While I don't have a hard life right now, things are still doing bad for me and my thoughts. I have PTSD, causing me to have an extremely nervous and shy personality, along with low self-esteem. I think some people believe I'm good enough to stay as an admin, but honestly, I feel too weak in my heart for that. It's also the key reason I also mentioned the previous reason why I'm making a departure for the wikis. I'm paranoid, and I am too scared and feel too weak to operate as part of the Crappy Games Wiki's staff nowadays. I think I'm not competent enough for that and that I don't even know everything I should learn when I work on this wiki.

Honestly... I also haven't chatted a lot with the other admins because of my serious anxiety, most stuff I did as a staff member is to make sure that everything works like it should here. I just haven't talked to others a lot here for all those reasons here.

FYI, I am also currently depressed, because of my current relations with my parents and a big mistake I've just done to others days ago. So don't expect me to go online a lot.

End
With all that, it is time for me to conclude my departure from the Reception Wikis. I want to have a better life outside of the wikis, by focusing on messaging my fans and my friends and checking DeviantArt often. It's already much better in the BFDI fanbase and DeviantArt for me, most of my fans also think I'm the best, so at least it's very nice... and I wouldn't really miss my times here because of all that. I also haven't told my fans that I was also working on the Reception Wikis anyway, due to their bad reputation that has already been going on since years, and I already expect my fans to have the same opinion on them.

Now, if you wish to continue contacting me, copy this tag between the brackets: [Pencil ✏🧡#6161] and I am always there to talk with you if you want. Although I may continue reading pages on the Reception Wikis without contributing anymore, I WON'T read notes here. Please understand that I no longer wanna be active here anymore.

Goodbye. It may suck for you to do not see me here anymore... but I need to return to my base. See me on DeviantArt: PencilLaddy, I've uploaded a plenty of kawaii artwork recently if you wanna take a look.

- Laddy