Blog:Stupidity from the Planet Earth Ep. 05

Welcome to the fifth episode of Stupidity from the Planet Earth. This is where we take a look at various ridiculous events taking place in the video game industry and more.

Entitled Developers
Now, you may not agree with me on this: the more incompetent someone is, the more that person needs to show off. I’ve seen how true professionals talk, they’re quite humble, because they’ve seen enough to know just how much they still haven’t learned yet. The douchebag known as Phil Fish is no doubt someone who needs to show off. His only game to fame was literally a rip-off of a Japanese passion project, yet Fish still went on audaciously claiming that “all Japanese games suck”.



Fish, and Cliffy B, are likely the epitome of unwarranted self-importance and douchebaggery in the gaming industry. But now it appears that there’s someone ready to overthrow them.

Now, I assume all of you here are familiar on Epic Game Store exclusivity, why they are hated and why publishers and developers siding with Epic are often viewed as greedy traitors. Our psychotic leader, Grust, seldom lets loose like this. But when I see the recent devlog of the upcoming games Ooblets, I really am starting to understand.

I have to say, the face of whoever wrote this must be thicker than the armored hull of a T-28 superheavy tank. “It’s incredible news for us and I’m hoping you all can be excited about it, too.” Really, do you expect players to be happy that you’re forcing them to use an inferior service that possibly steals your personal information and send it off to their Chinese masters?

“''Just imagine if other companies got it in their head to offer funding in exchange for exclusives. What’d be next? Game consoles paying for games to be exclusive on their consoles? Netflix paying for exclusive shows? Newspapers paying for exclusive articles? It’d be some sort of late capitalist dystopia.''” Obvious straw man here is obvious, when you compare consoles like the XBox, the PlayStation and the Switch, each of these consoles each have their own advantages besides game exclusivity. Many people won’t be attracted by exclusive games if they have to play it on a clearly inferior platform, no matter how good the game is.

“I know that’s asking a lot but I believe in you and your ability to download a free thing and create a user account (if you haven’t already done so to play Fortnite which I KNOW YOU HAVE).” Bro, I couldn’t care less about online “fad” games like Fortnite, and you are clearly giving me a reason not to care about your game as well by treating me like an idiot.

“''It’s also really disappointing to see folks threatening to pirate a game just because they can’t get it on the game launcher they’re used to. Feeling like you’re owed the product of other people’s work on your terms or else you’ll steal it is the epitome of that word “entitlement” that people use to discuss immature, toxic gamers.''”

Um, are you going to pull that “gamers don’t have to be your audience” nonsense, AGAIN?! Let me remind you, gamers are the ones who keep you alive by giving you their money, therefore we ARE ENTITLED to a decent, easily accessible game that runs on a platform that doesn’t go wrong all the damn time! And judging from how little I care about your game, I won’t even pirate it! Pirating you game is a waste of my time and electricity!

“''I get the appeal of wanting to seek out things to get angry about. Venting anger is cathartic and natural, but let’s have just a little perspective about what we decide to get angry about. Look at the things going on around you and ask yourself if there might be anything just a tad more worthwhile to be upset about.''”

“''Here are just a few suggestions:
 * Climate change
 * Human rights abuses
 * The new Twitter desktop UI
 * The last season of Game of Thrones''”

Excuse me, if there’re bigger things to worry about, then why the hell are you backtracking like crazy now? Worried that you might have upset the people you depend on? Why are you worrying about it when Epic has “offered us a minimum guarantee on sales that would match what we’d be wanting to earn if we were just selling Ooblets across all the stores”? Shouldn’t you be donating your profits helping end world hunger instead of sitting around in your office with the A/C blasting off, throwing away leftovers and making video games for “entitled baby gamers”?

And by what right do you have to mention “Climate change” and “Human rights abuses” when you are giving money to CHINA, a country that’s highly guilty of both?

And if the devlog alone hasn’t make you want to send this guy’s sorry ass orbiting Uranus. His behaviour on Discord is basically the cherry on top of the shit sundae.

The game they made hasn’t even been out yet, and they’re already talking to us gamers like we owe them the entire world or something. They performed what many players see as capital sin and they felt the need to BRAG about it. I don’t know what you think, but whoever wrote this blog needs to take mandatory PR class.

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Literally Wu Strikes Again
Back in the internet wars of early 2010s, besides the now defunct Anita Sarkeesian, the most notorious “Literally Who”s has to be John Walker Flynt / Brianna Wu. Her most known failures are her game and her attempt to run at congress.

Now is madwoman is beginning to create noise again, now calling for American law enforcement to to take action against Fredrick “Hotwheels” Brennan, the founder and former owner of 8chan.

Wu resorted to the classic tactic of defamation and blind accusations, claiming that Fredrick is guilty of “hosting child porn, facilitating terrorism and sharing stolen CCs”. Of course, none of these are true, we all remember how well an actual plan to plant CP on 8chan to frame the site went. The stolen credit card numbers bit, well, Hotwheels personally wiped the /baphometh board sharing such info, as well as other similar personal details such as social security numbers of federal judges. As for terrorism, well, that how Brianna defines a random person calling her names on Twitter. Also, according to reddit user GG_Number_9:

“''On a personal note about Wu's honesty, back when I still had a Twitter account, I once saw Wu complain about GG calling (her) phone number. I did a tour of the GG hangouts and found nothing, then I went to /baphometh, and sure enough, they were sharing it and laughing about GG getting the blame. I alerted Wu on Twitter and was immediately blocked.''”

For those who knew Wu’s character, the reason for the “getting blocked” bit is pretty obvious. To break the illusion that Wu’s the victim of GamerGate’s evil Nazi legions will be like unplugging her life support.

I just have to wonder, just how desperate must one be to be picking on a disabled person who left for the Philippines just to get medication?!

Attack on Anime
With a chief editor who says “rape is funny”, is no surprise that Polygon is the most mental pop-culture website on the internet. Those who visit it are likely either mindless NPCs, or people finding their articles being so ridiculous to the point of becoming satire.

One of Polygon’s most recent targets of slander is Attack on Titan, with the writer Tom Speelman declared the the “message of Attack on Titan appears to be full of anti-Korean, nationalist, pro-Japan subtext, parallels to anti-Semitic conspiracy theories, and subtextual references to Nazi Germany.” Various other loudmouth NPCs like Jessica Price also chimed in and condemned the anime.

Now, I have never watched Attack on Titan, but a very quick research has shown me that this Speelman person clearly never did any research in the first place. The most notable logical loophole Speelman made is his accusations of “anti-Semitism”, based solely on the fact that the Eldians are parallels that of the real world Jewish people, and therefore the various mistreatments and discriminations the Eldians suffer throughout the series (such as being forced by the Marleyans to wear star-embroidered identification armbands much like how Jews were forced to wear the Star of David back in Nazi Germany) are promoting anti-Semitism.

The issue is, as far as I remember, Marley is supposed to be the “evil” nation in the story, much like real-life Nazi Germany. Their treatments of the Eldians are nothing short of human rights violations. The whole story is written in a way that makes you see the Eldians as the sympathetic heros. So needless to say, NPC Speelman purposely fabricated the entire notion of “racism” in order to spread his own political propaganda, just like how the Marleyan government fabricated lies about the Eldians to keep them oppressed over historical grudges. But then again, NPC logic are known to be wonky and misidentify good guys as bad guys and vice versa, so this should be no surprise coming from Speelman.

Another thing Speelman proceeds to misrepresent about the military uniforms the Yeagerists wear. He writes that they “have a very fascist uniform sensibility.”

I think I’ve mentioned before, WWII German uniforms are known to be particularly aesthetically impressive. Appreciating the styling doesn’t make you automatically a Nazi. As Grust would have put it “Separate the art from the artist”. If the world functions by this logic, Porsche and Hugo Boss would have gone out of business a long time ago.

And if you wonder where the “anti-Korean” bit came from, Speelman went on the cherry pick the fact that the character, General Dot Pixis, is based on the Imperial Japanese general Akiyama Yoshifuru, who“was responsible for countless atrocities against Korea and China during Japanese occupations” according to NPC Speelman. The decision actually stirred up quite a lot of controversy led to death threats sent to Hajime Isayama. The outrage, however, was pretty much unjustified and mainly stemmed from bling rage stemming from general anti-Japanese sentiment.

If you actually checked Wikipedia’s page on Akiyama Yoshifuru, you’ll find that he retired from military career at 1923, and passed away at 1930, therefore he has absolutely nothing to do with the Kantō Massacre (which took place right after he retired) or various other atrocities the Japanese performed during WWII. And if you view the page on the Chōsen-gun, you’ll also see that he was general of that army for little less than a year (18 August 1916–6 August 1917).

To outsiders, it’s quite baffling that Polygon will allow such a mess of an article to be published in the first place. But then again, Polygon likely green-lit the article in a desperate attempt to stir up controversy. The best option we have right now is to simply ignore these fools, and watch them go broke for being too woke.

Canon is Offensive
I suppose the main issue with modern superhero genre (both films and comics) can be summed up with one phrase: “FanFic published as canon”.

TBH, all these lazy race swaps and gender swaps (black Superman, black Iron Man, female Hawk Eye and female Thor) are things you usually see in silly fanfic or fanart. Something people did for fun and never meant to be official or properly developed. But somehow Marvel has decided that this is all acceptable and goes ahead to publish them.

Now, Black Widow has been one of the most popular female heroes in Marvel, and many people have been asking for a film centered around her. But as the old saying goes: “Be careful what you wish for”.

There’s a upcoming Black Widow movie alright, but the writer for it is no other than Jac Schaeffer, known feminist and activist. And that’s not a good sign.

What Schaeffer have in mind for her project involves “more sympathetic villains (A well-written anti-villain is decent), less glamorization of weaponry (Do you mean more focus on character skills than gadgets?), and stronger representation of marginalized voices (Wait, WHAT???!!!).”

Schaeffer then went further and claims that the outlet that canon will be damned in her vision of a media property if it’s discriminatory to her own values system.

Great, we’re finally getting the film we wanted, only to have our beloved heroine butchered like a sacrificial lamb.

Even worse, the “less glamorization of weaponry” bit actually means “anti-gun propaganda”. Schaeffer went on to ramble:

“I would like to see alternatives to violence in superhero movies. Maybe I would qualify that by saying, alternatives to glamorizing guns and weaponry. That’s one of the reasons that I love Captain Marvel — it’s all about inner power. And the destruction is not at the expense of human life.”

So, when it’s at the expense of Kree life, it’s acceptable? #KreeLivesMatter! Also, the most common mistake I see heroes make is not shooting the cornered villain just to show how much “better” the hero is, of course, reality ensues, the villain either retaliates and made a fool out of the hero, or escapes and continues to be a threat. The hero can also up the stupidity by on purposely engaging gun totting enemies in melee, without being Batman/Superman.

What can I say, if I wanna read silly fan fiction. I’d have read it online for free!

Conclusion
Anyway, this concludes our 5th episode of Stupidity from Planet Earth. More insanity will be coming soon! I hope you've held on to yours! Leave your opinions in the comment section and tell me if any improvement is needed!

