Conan (1991; NES)

Conan is a platform game developed and published by Mindscape for the NES in 1991. It is loosely based on the movie and series of fantasy novels of the same name.

Why It Sucks

 * 1) The graphics are horrible. The first level has an entirely black background, the character you're playing as looks nothing like Conan and there's almost no detail on any of the levels or sprites. The textures in the background look pixelated and poorly stretched out in width.
 * 2) Virtually no relation to the books or film. In fact, the game is actually a botched port of the Commodore 64 game Myth: History in the Making. This is also why the graphics look so poor, as everything except for Conan's own sprite is just ripped from the C64 original, and the C64's graphics processor worked in a completely different way on the NES.
 * 3) Horrible controls. Conan moves stiff and awkwardly and he can only jump straight up or at a 45-degree angle. Down is used not only for picking up items, but also for jumping, which can result in accidental deaths.
 * 4) Enemies are nearly impossible to hit without projectiles, due to poor hit detection.
 * 5) The tasks in the game are so cryptic, that the game needs a walk-through to beat. On the first level, you have to kill skeletons until you get a sword, use it to cut down a hanging skeleton, wait around while killing little flying enemies until a demon appears, kill it, use the pitchfork it leaves behind to kill the lion boss in one hit and then finally reach the end of the level.
 * 6) The developers were so lazy, that they didn't even put in a game over screen. When you lose your last life, you're just sent back to the title screen.
 * 7) Very mediocre soundtrack, with boring sound effects.
 * 8) Poor ending. It just shows a picture of Conan with the text "Conan the King," before sending the player back to the title screen.
 * 9) Various beginner's traps: There's the woman at the beginning of the second level who turns into a snake and kills you if try to run past her. You have to shoot fireballs at her or crouching down before her, which the game doesn't warn you about.
 * 10) Tiny spaces between the platforms that are easy to fall into, due to having zero control over how you jump.

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