Blog:Grust's Top 10 Funniest ProJared Moments

Ever since ProJared was able to prove his innocence (and kick cancel culture right in the balls while doing so), I decided now's a good time for the top 10 moments ProJared made me laugh.

10. His reaction to Virtual Hydlide: In the earlier episodes he would do an opening where we see him react to the game he's playing, a foreshadowing into the review and then he'd go, "I'm playing [insert title here]." In his Virtual Hydlide video, he was clearly in pain and paralyzed from the trauma over how bad the game was, giving off a painful sound as he played. It's sadly the last time we ever got to see that opening. This game was that bad.

9. Saying what's he thinking outloud in his Two Worlds review:  The video that started it all. I'm somewhat glad this game escaped notoriety at the time otherwise ProJared might not have set up his channel. During his review, He questions why the main character always says what he's thinking outloud. ProJared proceeds to mimic it. First he opens the freezer and says, cold. Then with his wrist under running water, he says "wet". And then he reads Maxim and says "aroused". Imagine if one of my toys said what they were thinking outloud. Tyrant is playing Superman 64, "Pain." Watching Bio-Dome, "Hurling my lunch." Watching a kitchen video from Crazy Russian Hacker, "Questioning the life choices that made me Grust's toy."

8. Throwing A Spoon at Final Fantasy 13 in his Review of Final Fantasy 4: One bit of humor that comes from 4 are the spoon jokes like spoony bard (who can get the fuck out of my party), or Edge throwing a spoon for 9999 damage. It encouraged ProJared to do the most noble, honorable sacrifice. He threw the spoon he used to cook the food he gets at Blue Apron at the evil Final Fantasy 13 game and the spoon gets knocked back behind the game shelves. He mentions he's not going to be able to get it back now. Such a sacrifice. May it never be forgotten.

7. His rating for Super Bonk:  Projared mentioned how Super Bonk was like a drug trip as it was really weird. He liked the game though and ultimately gave the game a "Birthday Clown Tripping on Acid Out of 10." Saying it was made with kids in mind but it's really weird but fun. Just look at the clown in his rating. You can tell he's having fun in his tripped out mind. Reminder, don't do drugs.

6. His entire review of Oscar: The worst platformer he ever played, he reviewed it while on the floor, clearly traumatized over how bad it is. He even vomitted (clearly just water) because of the camera shifting so much, and at the end gave them game a "Fuck You out of 10," saying everything in the game is designed against you with the abrupt ending being a giant middle finger for your efforts. Hmm, oh Tyrant REXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX! Holds up Oscar.

TyrantRex: No, NO, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

5. The Little Pirate Ship That Could: In his High Seas Trader Reviewer, he goes into a sweet heartwarming story of a little pirate ship that thought they could take on the Bagoom (Projared's ship) and with one blast of the Bagoom's cannon, sent them running away, but the Little Pirate Ship That Could returned, determined to rob the Bagoom. And wouldn't you know it, all the pirates were killed, and ProJared got their stuff. Such a magical story to tell your grandchild one day, right guys?

4. Sexy Clown Ass: If ProJared had to have a negative experience with Kid Klown in Crazy Chase, we do too. After working hard to get the good ending on this piece of shit, he noticed something, terrifying, horrific, something that makes Freddy Kruger, Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers, Chucky, the Predator, the Terminator, every Mortal Kombat game, zombies, and Doom look like My Little Pony by comparison. So without further ado, he presents to the viewer the terrifying sight of Sexy Clown Ass.

3. Censorship for Comedy in his Review of Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within:  "Did he just censor the word "bitch" in a PG-13 movie?  Well that's [bleep]ing dumb!"

2. His script for Donkey Kong Country: You have to pause this scene to really enjoy it. It's that moment where ProJared shows a script that describes that a song is placed randomly in the Donkey Kong Country cartoon. I'm not going to spoil it so give it a look.

Honorable Mentions

 * Fuck you, Nature
 * "Gee an RPG where you have to collect four treasures of the elements. I never heard that one before."  Shows Final Fantasy
 * "Gee an epic RPG where you have to collect four four treasures of the elements and I don't how to make this running gag work here."
 * Writing an angry letter to Square-Enix for not making another Chrono Trigger game after gushing about the game for 20 minutes.
 * Playing Hydlide again after proving his innocence. My God, he really is a masochist.
 * Killing "Heal" Slime. A new scandal shortly after proving his innocence.
 * Bards can get the fuck out of my party.

And the number 1 funniest Projared moment is....

1. His description of the boxing arena in Ride to Hell: Retribution: Combat is broken in RTH:R that spamming heavy kick will guarantee victory in melee combat. In one section you have to fight your way to Meathook in a boxing arena with 4 combatants (5 if Meathook getting a barbed club counts) and ProJared portrays each fight as requiring different level of strategies and having lots of depth. Meanwhile all you see in the video is, you guessed it, spamming heavy kick. It's basically almost 3 minutes of full on sarcasm and ProJared pulled it off nicely. Everytime I think about this, it always brings a smile to my face and I consider it to be his funniest moment.

So what's your funniest ProJared moment? Are you glad he's back. Looking forward to his FFV review? Worried he'll have to eventually review 13. Let me know in the comments. Man I feel good I wonder what my next top 10 will be.

Top Ten Worst Gaming Moments of 2019. Grust: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

