User:ZeusDeeGoose/sandbox/Blog5

Note: This blog was created on ZeusDeeGoose's 1st wiki-versary. This is satirical and not meant to be taken seriously, as this is one of my personal favorites. Feel free to add on to it if you want.

The Legend of Dark Witch: Chronicle 2D Act is a 2014 video game released by Inside System.

Why It's a Lunatic

 * 1) Horseshit level design. It's so slow and boring.
 * 2) The install system is heavily flawed and punishing. Once you die, you lose all your slots and you feel terrible.
 * 3) No replayability. There's nothing to do once you beat Riva.
 * 4) Extremely short length, you can beat it in under an hour.
 * 5) Blocking is the worst fucking thing to pull off. Most of the time you miss it and get hit because you suck at the game.
 * 6) Absolutely earbleeding music that sounds like crap.
 * 7) Terrible boss fights, which are extremely hard.
 * 8) The Syega Shop makes the game too easy.
 * 9) The sequel isn't much better.

PS Vita version and onwards

 * 1) They didn't fix anything from the 3DS version.

Renovation

 * 1) Like the PS Vita version, they add NOTHING AT ALL despite this being called a "Renovation".
 * 2) Day's stage is hard as balls, and you will die.
 * 3) The bosses are actually worse in this version. It's like they took steroids covered in crack.

Redeeming Qualities

 * 1) Decent difficulty. All of the stages are fair.
 * 2) Verri's stage is great, but unfortunately, it was wasted on a shit game.
 * 3) Beautiful story that will make you sympathize with the characters.
 * 4) Lunatic Mode is fun.

Reception
The Legend of Dark Witch received an overwhelmingly negative reception, earning a -77.5% on GameRankings because of how shit it was.