Dark Castle (Genesis/CD-i)

"The Genesis version was bad, but this one (the CD-i version) fucks you harder than life itself! It's like mixing shit with turds! It's the most heinously anus thing ever conceived by humankind! It's a curse to the soul, and it must suffer the tortures of the damned!"

- Angry Video Game Nerd Dark Castle is a platform video game developed by Silicon Beach Software, released in 1986 for the Macintosh and which has been ported many times to other systems. While the original game (and its sequel) is generally considered a classic, the later console ports released for the Sega Genesis and Philips CD-i were critically panned by critics and players alike.

Plot
Duncan, the prince of the land heads to the castle of the Black Knight to stop him from terrorizing the townspeople.

Why These Ports Suck

 * 1) Inferior graphics in comparison to the Macintosh version with the Genesis version looking poor and cartoony with its washed-out colors and resolution. The CD-i version fares better but not by much.
 * 2) In the original Macintosh version, Duncan can get disoriented and uncontrollable if you walk into walls or fall from a distance. But in the console ports this happens constantly and seemingly at random and can make the game borderline unplayable at times.
 * 3) The aiming system where you move around your arm like a clock hand was carried over from the original. But as neither console versions supports a mouse it becomes extremely sluggish and imprecise.
 * 4) The only music you'll ever hear is Bach's Toccata & Fugue which will quickly become annoying. You can turn the music off but in the Genesis version, you must hit the option to turn it off when a note isn't playing or otherwise said note will be sustained.
 * 5) On that topic, the sound effects are even worse, especially for the first enemies (the one eyed creatures you fight.
 * 6) Although you are supposed to go through three of the doors to collect the special items before you face Black Knight, you actually don't need them. You can go straight to the boss and beat him by pulling the levers and beat the game in less than two minutes.
 * 7) The difficulty level is painfully hard, even if you don't pay attention due its unbearable controls.

The Only Redeeming Quality

 * 1) Duncan can be upgraded. If you reach the wizard Merlin in the Fireball levels, he can grant you fireballs that will permanently taking out Guards. In addition, the Shield levels; if you get struck by lightning while holding a shield, Duncan can use its powers to gain invulnerability.

Videos
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Trivia

 * In one area of the castle, you will see some graffiti in the background. In previous ports of the game, these say Huns Rule, Alaric was here, and Vandal Sack. The Genesis port instead has them read Gamers Rule and Saddam was here with the third piece of graffiti completely omitted fro some reason.