Blog:The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (joke page)

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"This game sucks ass. No,no, sucks worse than ass. It sucks balls."

- The Slightly Irritated Video Game Geek

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is a REALLY bad dumb game developed by Peepeepoopootendo that caused singlehandedly the video game crash of 1998. Made me also singlehandedly poo poo my pant.

Plot
You have to save the princess Zelda from Cannon Dork. What an original plot!

Why It's A Shitfest

 * 1) Unoriginal plot.
 * 2) False advertising: You play as "Link" instead of Zelda. The game's name is THE LEGENED OF ZELDA, NOT LEGEND OF LINK!!!!!!!!
 * 3) Overpriced: The game was made with a budget of $0.000000000000000001 ($0.000000000000000002 adjusted to inflation), but was sold at a price of $9999. THAT'S MORE THAN A STEAL, THAT'S A ROBBERY!
 * 4) The game is so long my 50 year old dad who has completed over 52143 games in his lifetime slept in the middle of the game!
 * 5) Todd Howard (developer of this shitfest that shouldn't be called a game) himself said this was a failure!
 * 6) This can be compared to Chibi-Robo Zip Lash: a game from a franchise that was once good, ruined by a shitty game.
 * 7) The soundtrack is worse than CrazyBus!
 * 8) * Of course it's bad, it was composed by BEN 10!!!!!!
 * 9) You have to buy an expansion pack to FUCKING UNLOCK THE TRUE ENDING!!!!!! AFUHYIBIUSFBSFVDHJ!!!!!!
 * 10) * On top of that, THE EXPANSION PACK WAS NEVER RELEASED SO YOU CAN'T BEAT THE GAME!!!!!!!!
 * 11) Asset flipping: THE DOOR IS REUSED FROM FUCKING FREAKING FLIPPING (get it?) MARIO 64!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 * 12) The game was released 6 days after Knack's (best game ever) Minus 15th anniversary, almost a disrespect to Knack's legacy
 * 13) Cannon Dork's boss fight is UNFAIR and SHITTY, he also has a asscheek janky hitbox
 * 14) It was originally planned to be a crossover with Bubsy, imagine how shitty this game would be if this happened!
 * 15) False advertising: Gannon Dork's ass is thiccer in some ads, but in the game, his butt is all square, like Minecraft
 * 16) According to the 2020 Nintendo Dataleaks that also leaked the Expansion Pack to this shitty game, the true ending was supposed to be a hot scene where Zelda and Link kissed. THAT'S EVEN MORE CLICHÉ THAN SUPER MARIO BROS.' ENDING!!!!
 * 17) The game has really bad graphics, WORSE than the OG Game Boy.
 * 18) According to my Great Granduncle's Father's Cousin's Grandson's older sister's fish (who works at Todd Howard LLC., known as Bethesda in some places), the game once was called "Zelda 64", but it isn't ZELDA'S 64TH GAME!!!!!!!1!
 * 19) Racism: tHE GAME CALLS gANON dORFK "tHE eMBODIMENT oF aLL eVIL" JUST BECUASE HE'S BALCK?!!!?!!?!!!?!!??
 * 20) Really stiff controls
 * 21) SHIT VOICEOver
 * 22) No. Fucking. Online. IT WAS 1998. YOU HAD NO EXCUSE BLODD BLOWARD.
 * 23) This game is nothing like Zelda at all, it's OPEN-WORLD!!! # NotMyZelda.
 * 24) Generic and repetitive gameplay.
 * 25) Too easy, but too long.
 * 26) Its story sucks ass.
 * 27) Buggy with TONS of glitches.
 * 28) Was probably made to get a quick buck.
 * 29) * (Update September 4 2006) Confirmed by Todd Coward.
 * 30) The game tries to be trendy by adding loot boxes BUT IT ONLY MAKES THE GAME WORSE!!!!!!
 * 31) The bad ending's cutscene feels like a CHEAP FLASH/MOBILE GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
 * 32) Incorrect lip-syncing!!!! This is a SIN!!!!!!!!!
 * 33) No replay value AT ALL.
 * 34) The AI is SHIT.
 * 35) NO Skill Trees. Come the fuck on, Todd.
 * 36) The enemies look like they came from E.T.
 * 37) Limited movement. COME THE FUCK ON IT'S A OPEN FUCKING WORLD GAME
 * 38) Incredibly stupid jokes with Toilet humor.

Reception
It's the lowest rated game in Metacritic, with a metascore of 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000001 out of 100